First-ever Captain Fishsticks Comment Contest

Our old fiend Bob Moffitt of the American Lung Association posts a link to a Minnesota Daily article in hopes that a little scattershot he said/she said journalism will diminish the impact of St. Paul’s smoking ban. He cherry picks his quotes (I’m shocked!), and misses this one --

Blake Van Denburgh, an animal science junior, said the smoking ban in St. Paul has encouraged him to go to bars more often.

“The smoky environment kept me from going out before,” he said.

Now that single quote proves absolutely nothing, as Bob's selection of randomized quotes proves nothing, but I find it amusing and in a certain sad way illustrative of the theory of unintended consequences.

So, here’s the first-ever Captian Fishsticks invitational Comment Contest -- finish the story.

A chill rain falls on the city but Blake Van Denburgh doesn’t care. Slouching more than sitting in the doorway of O'Gara's Irish Pub, he relishes the rain that washes at least the top layer of dirt and grime that stick to his hair and clothes like the cigarette smoke he vaguely remembers from his youth. It mingles with the human waste in which he sits and pecks at the dried vomit from the night before.

Once a promising animal science major, Blake’s future was snuffed out when St. Paul went smoke free. In the few and frightening moments of sobriety he can still muster, Blake still sees himself as that undespoiled youth sitting home in the fresh-air of his dorm room, soberly blogging.

“If only there hadn’t been a smoking ban . . . . If only I’d never gone to a bar . . . . Didn’t I deserve to be denied freedom of choice for my own good as much as any smoker? Blake shouts the last into an uncaring, smoke-free world. He drops his head into his hands and weeps.

At that moment a tall shadow -- a dark-haired big bird-like shadow -- looms over him. “Why?’ he asks, sensing that this man might hold the answer. “Why . . . What laid me low, enslaved me to this demon rum?”

Bob Moffitt looked down at the pathetic creature at his feet and said . . . . .

You finish the story. Winning entry receives a Fish ‘n Chips special at Keegan’s Irish Pub on Trivia Thursday courtesy of Captain Fishsticks.

Category: Smoking Ban