Friday, January 13, 2006

Global warming danger

Posted by Craig Westover | 6:25 AM |  

From the Borowitz Report --

Talkative Lawmaker Creating Environmental Threat, Scientists Fear

Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del.), who has dominated this week's confirmation hearings of Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito with his seemingly nonstop talking, is producing dangerously high level of carbon dioxide that could pose a serious environmental threat, leading scientists said today.

While many observers have found Sen. Biden's interminable orating tedious and wearisome, few suspected that the lawmaker was producing gases that could threaten the ecological balance of the planet.

But at a conference in Oslo, Norway devoted to the environmental challenges posed by Sen. Biden's endless nattering, scientists today said that the Delaware Democrat was producing levels of carbon dioxide that could prove harmful to many of the earth's species.

"Carbon dioxide is a necessary part of the photosynthetic process that allows plants to grow," said the University of Tokyo's Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke. "But the massive amounts of carbon dioxide produced by Joe Biden could prove to be too much for even the hardiest vegetation to process."

Dr. Kyosuke and his colleagues were mulling a number of proposals for reining in the ecological threat posed by Sen. Biden, including urging the Environment Protection Agency to issue tougher emission standards for U.S. Senators.

The scientist said his peers were also "deeply concerned" about a possible environmental threat posed by Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass): "There is a serious possibility that Sen. Kennedy's head will block out the sun and cause all life on Earth to wither and die."

Category: Humor, National Politics, Environment