Friday, September 29, 2006

BREAKABLE NEWS – Minnesota DFL expresses caution on Twins’ climb to first place

Posted by Craig Westover | 12:49 PM |  

Minnesotans being misled about of the “success” of Twins’ season, says DFL head Melendez.

(The city across the river from St. Paul) – The Minnesota Twins may have climbed into a tie with the Detroit Tigers for first place in the American League Central Division, but Minnesotans shouldn’t be fooled into celebrating, warned DFL chairman Brian Melendez. Pushing the Tigers provides them with more motivation to win and will simply create more Tigers’ fans in Detroit, he told reporters.

“While we support the Twins, we remain steadfastly opposed to optimism,” said Melendez in a prepared statement issued just moments after Justin Morneau crossed home plate in the 10th inning of the Twin’s 2-1 victory over the Kansas City Royals on Thursday.

Melendez noted that the only thing making the Twin’s season so remarkable was the complete mismanagement of the first two months of the season.

“Had the Twins played as well in April and May as we are being led to believe they are playing now, we’d all be talking about the Vikings one-game losing streak today,” said Melendez. “A team that played as bad as the Twins did in April and May is in first place today? If you believe that,” he added, “you probably believe that the Bush administration isn’t controlling the price of gasoline.”

Minnesotans are being misled about the Twins’ succes. “Sure, the right-wing media publishes pictures of celebrating players and publishes a lot of statistics, but they spin them just to make look good,” he added. When asked for an example Melendez noted that both Twin Cities’ newspaper report Joe Mauer is “hitting .349.”

“Not one paper is accurately reporting that he is ‘not hitting’ at a .651 clip, almost 100 percent worse than we are being told,” he said. “The fact that he may become the first American League catcher to win a batting title is indicative of the poor quality of catchers being produced by under-funded public schools.” Melendez noted that Mauer went to a “religious school,” depriving the St. Paul public schools of its deserved state payments.

Melendez also cited the quagmire that is the Twins starting rotation and the loss of Francisco Liriano for the playoffs, which he said was the result of stress on the Dominican rookie resulting from his uncertainty about Gov. Tim Pawlenty’s immigration policies.

“About the only good thing we can be sure of,” said Melendez, “is that if the playoffs start with Johan Santana going against the ‘Yankees,’ we’ll have Hugo Chavez rooting for the Twins.”

In related news DFL 6th district congressional candidate Patty Wetterling says that while she doesn’t know much about baseball, she cares about people. She called for the baseball season to be over by Thanksgiving.